Q: ‘Nikki, as a busy mom and business woman, when you’re on the go or frustrated and tired because of a crying baby/hubby working your nerves /dealing with deadlines /etc (lol) and your mind is racing on the externals around you and what’s coming up—how do you bring it all back to center yourself and manifest the life you want to live?’ –WB

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A: After years of practicing different centering techniques and then getting confused about what to do when problems came up (too many options), I decided that it was best to ride one pony and stick with it. Now, when shit gets real, which is everyday, I always, already know which practice to do to find my way back home. Home is my ‘center’. And the more I practice riding the same pony, the easier it gets and the more I come to trust it.  Right now, that pony is ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’. And when I repeat it silently, no matter what seeming problem is popping off, I can ride that pony right on home, and all is well. (and now Ginuwine will be looped in my head for the rest of the day)

But what works for me may not work for you. I’m going to give you my short list of the most effective ‘ponies’ and once you pick one, ride her and her alone. Also, make a note in your phone that says, ‘for when I’m mad af’. And type out what you’re supposed to do when you’re upset. It’s so helpful to be reminded in the moment. I made my ‘for when I’m mad af’ note instructions my homescreen on my phone so I can get to it quick, lol. I’ve got a lot of triggers!  The best thing about the 'thank you' pony is that I do it constantly (not just when i'm upset) which makes it easier to find my way home when the road gets rocky.

Remember, your only goal is to return 'home' in every moment.  To restore your inner world to calmness and peace.  The side effect is more abundant living in the 'outer' world.  There are tons of access points but here are a few that have worked for me:

1. Stay where your feet are – ‘cause your feet can’t be in the past or the future, they can only ever be HERE, NOW. And when you’ve found your feet, thoughts cease and you realize you’re home. And home feels good. Stay there.

2. If you feel bad, something you’re thinking is WRONG. For instance, the thought may come, ‘I’m never going to feel better, this is hopeless’. This thought makes you feel bad not because it is true but because it is not true! Your higher self/the universe/life/GOD doesn’t agree with your assessment. Once you recognize that, you’re home. And home feels good. Stay there.

3. When something is working your nerves, STOP and ask yourself, ‘what do I want from this situation?’ This redirects your mind to a more positive train of thought. Abraham Hicks calls it pivoting. For instance, if Gene is getting on my nerves, I’ll stop listening to him for a second and ask myself, ‘what do I want from this situation?’ and the answer bubbles up on its own—‘peace’. And I instantly feel relief. And then I’m home. And home feels good. And I stay there.

4. When you become aware of an upsetting or concerning thought, realize that you’re only aware of it because you've already leveled on it, that’s why you can see it in the first place! It doesn’t come up so you can dwell on it and worry about it, it comes up so you can dismiss it on sight. Then stay in that recognition. It feels good. You’re home. Stay there.

Your other self,
Nik

P.s. keep sending me questions! It keeps me focused!

You want all the things—the fame, the fortune, the freedom, your time, cars with non-standard door designs, and dope lofts with crazy views all over the world.

You’ve done all the things—read the books, set intentions, acted on divine inspiration (or was it ego inspired?), meditated and visualized every damn detail down to his beard.

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So... where are the things? You look around and all you see is ‘busted bank balance’, ‘struggle car’ and ‘no bearded bae’.  But what you don’t realize is that your intentions have manifested. Your present reality is the result, the proof, of what you’ve actually been intending. These ARE the things (lack, lonliness, etc) you’ve been asking for. Unintentionally, of course, but intending nonetheless. It’s not your fault, it’s just the little big part of the puzzle you’ve been missing. While your little conscious mind is intending ‘wealth’, your subconscious is automatically, simultaneously and constantly intending ‘but you been broke and always will be’. This process is always on, mostly negative, usually just outside of your conscious awareness and you’re unknowingly letting it run the show. So how do you stop it?


Instead of trying to identify every negative belief and ‘counter-intention’ and replace it with good stuff, you just silently and constantly repeat, ‘thank you, thank you, thank you’. Say it over and over again, all day, while driving, walking, eating, caking… silently, to yourself, until it becomes the background noise in your head. It’s like a positive but generic affirmation that the subconscious can’t take issue with AND it instantly replaces the negative noise that’s been on loop, providing much needed relief, peace and joy. Which just so happens to be the reasons you want the things you want… because you think they will bring you relief, peace and joy when you get them! Which is exactly why the things you’ve been wanting will start showing up-- 'cause you don't get what you want, you get what you are! And while I can’t promise you that the exact suicide door car situation is going to manifest, something that feels just like it or better, something that will reinforce the inherent joy you’re experiencing because of this practice, will show up, and very soon.

What's your intention?

You woke up on the right side of the bed, sun shining, you’re smiling, holding your happy vibe all the way to lunch and then, it happens. And it always happens. You’re thrown off your center. If it isn’t the unprovoked rudeness the customer service agent is serving on the phone (I clowned with one yesterday morning and I need to do better), it’s your condescending boss, your husband that stays taking you for granted or your sister that treats you like your time matters not.  You're humble and dope and sweet so why do people treat you like crap?

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While circumstances and other people (you should think of of them as ‘other selves’, it’s all you, boo) are largely out of your control, you can become aware of one thing. People are mirrors. They’re showing you what you deeply believe about yourself. They treat you in accordance with who you think and feel yourself to be. If you don’t feel worthy of reaching your goals, then guess what? The people you come into contact with have no choice but to reflect that belief back to you over and over again. So your belief that you can’t write a book (because you have nothing significant to say, or you’re not smart enough or witty enough, or generally good enough) gets reflected back as snooty literary agents declining to help you pitch, publishers rejecting you left and right and well-meaning relatives telling you that you need a plan b. And of course these ‘circumstances’ make you feel discouraged and you feel even less worthy and the ‘negative’ reflections keep coming up, staring back at you. It’s a vicious, self-affirming cycle. Trying to run 'out there' in the world and change people’s minds and manipulate circumstances is as futile as frowning in the mirror and expecting, waiting in anticipation for the reflection to smile. It won’t. It can’t, until you do! Once you smile, it’s reflected back. So don't fight the reflections, change your self first—your innermost world, and the outer reflections change automatically. Feel yourself to be a great writer, and people and opportunities will flood in to your experience to show you that you are.  They show up to help you along your way and cushion the blows. Show yourself compassion, give yourself love and respect and the people that appear in your world will be loving and compassionate as well. The ones who weren’t will either level up or you’ll lose touch in one way or another.


In other ways, people are also reflecting or modeling parts of our personality we’re ashamed of, hate or repress. If your mom does something that irks the hell out of you, you hate that same thing about yourself. The narcissistic ass chick in your office, she’s you too. That’s why it bothers you so much. Keep your awareness on this for the rest of the week. Whenever you get even slightly irritated, when someone pushes one of your buttons, investigate it. Ask yourself, ‘what's going on in me that's causing this person to work my last nerve?' or ‘what must I believe is true about myself for this to be happening?’ When the answer comes, you’ll smile, feel lighter and automatically level up.  When you see the negative belief, when you become aware of it, it's already dead. No need to fight it or replace it with a positive belief.  Just see it. It's that easy.

Your other self,
Nik

p.s. This is also the secret to finding love-- love yourself first, unconditionally and bae will appear.  But since you now know the source of that love (within you, not 'out there' attached to that other person), the relationship won't be a clingy or desperate, it'll be fulfilling.  

You’ve got a lot going on. You are the doer of things, the winner of bread, the fixer of shit, the kisser of booboos, the unbroken. We’re All-Stars.

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But we can’t give our best, when we’re not at our best. That’s why for the entire month of October, I’m hosting the #CurlyNikkiAllStars IG giveaway. Each week, one winner will be chosen to receive $100 in her paypal account. It’s not much. But you can use it to get your nails done, get your back rubbed or to cop that favorite product splurge! The only rule is that you use it on yourself, for yourself. To enter, head over to IG!

Your other self,
Nik

p.s. to see last week's winner, click HERE. 



Since my hair is shorter now, I cannot simply pineapple.

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I rock 3, instead! Two in the back securing low at the nape of my neck with claw clips (looks like two low ponytails) and one at the crown (like a classic pineapple). This keeps the curls on the side and in the back from pulling straight. Finally, I forego a bonnet and sleep on a hair pillow with a satin pillowcase. Sleeping on the claw clips isn’t exactly fun, but they don’t leave a crease in my hair (like a ponytail holder) or put too much tension on the roots, which could also pull the hair straight. It's a super quick, effective and easy nightly routine that gets me to 3rd and even 4th day hurr!

How do you preserve your curls at night?