Self-care is something that I’ve been very interested in over the past few years.  The idea of treating and nourishing your outer and inner self was just too attractive not to pass up.

I fell in love with the idea of enjoying facials, massages, and various other beauty rituals as a means of taking care of myself.  All of these things are really great. But they fall into the category of what I call “self-care 101.” These are the easy activities that we enjoy doing but they only scratch the surface of the layers that make up one’s self-care journey. 

Let’s talk about some of the not-so-easy self-care activities that are just as important as getting a mani-pedi. 
But first, I’ll tell you a quick story. 

Back when I worked in corporate America, one of my responsibilities was to address employee complaints.  Often times, employees would request a transfer from one location to another because of disputes with their supervisor.  They’d complain that their manager was too strict or had too many rules.  Sometimes they’d ask to go to a location where they knew that manager was much more lax about following every rule.  The person assumed that they’d be happier working in an environment with less accountability.

More often than not, once the transfer was granted, the employee would soon realize that they made a mistake. Because they already know the value of working in a well-run environment, the difference at their new location is like night and day. They assumed that having fewer rules would make them happier but they were mistaken.

The truth is, many of us thrive in an environment that consists of daily rituals, clear expectations, and various routines that support optimal outcomes.  A well-run organization is one where a solid foundational structure is in place.  In our personal lives, however, we often live unregimented lives.  Don’t get me wrong, we do follow some routines.  But most of them are in place because if we don’t do them, we will suffer a consequence (example, we go to work every day otherwise, we will lose our job).

On the flip side, there are rituals and routines we should incorporate and follow because they support our overall well being.  Those are the first ones to suffer whenever laziness creeps in.  Why? Because the consequences aren’t immediate. Since the consequences seem far away (or non-existent) these self-care activities take a back seat.

Some examples of self-care rituals that tend to fall by the wayside are:

A portion of the items on the list are enjoyable, but many of them aren’t.  It’s kinda like working for a boss who’s making you do things you don’t feel like doing.  But, there’s a reason why she has such high standards.  It’s because she knows that a great running operation will generate greater rewards.  Many of the employees didn’t realize it, but transferring to another location where the manager didn’t run a tight operation meant that they’d probably receive a smaller performance bonus (because the other location was underperforming in sales results).  In the end, they were only hurting themselves.  
We have to get really serious about our self-care.  It’s more than just splurging on skin products or treating yourself to your heart’s desire.  What we truly desire is to feel fulfilled.  And most everything I listed above will contribute to your fulfillment.  
Do you have to do everything on that list at once? 
Just pick the one or two habits missing from your life that could really make a huge impact on your overall wellbeing.  Once you get rolling, you’ll continue to build on your self-care routine as time goes on.  But, let’s not forget that sometimes, the harder actions can contribute to you the most.  

I’ve received a few requests to write about the topic of femininity.  I often hesitated because, growing up, I wasn’t taught to nurture my feminine energy.  In fact, I can’t recall a single conversation with my mother on the topic, with the exception of the typical talk covering hygiene.

She was the oldest girl in a family of seven. Much of her girlhood was spent helping to raise her siblings.  To her, it was important to be hardworking and industrious.  Those qualities were passed on to me and I’m grateful for that.  But, on the flip side, I was almost completely ignorant when it came to being comfortable expressing my feminine nature.

As a child, I recall examples of extreme feminity on television. Most of them portrayed ultra-feminine as hyper-sexual or how they used their womanly qualities solely for the purpose of attracting a man.  Because I was focused on getting good grades without the distraction of dating, I made the decision to suppress my feminine qualities.  My teachers always praised me for being smart so I took full ownership of that and decided to make it my main attribute.

In the back of my mind, I was still enamored with the idea of fully embracing my feminine attributes. In 10th grade, I transferred from a predominately white school to one with more diversity.  Once there, I was introduced to a whole new world of black women who were fully aligned with their femininity.
These girls always had their hair and nails done, wore makeup and sported super cute outfits.  I was in awe of the amount of attention they placed on looking their best every day.  I observed them from the shadows and learned what I could about femininity from afar.

One thing was clear, everyone knew who they were even without knowing them personally.  We knew their names even though they probably didn’t know ours.  They stood out and were like the celebrities of our school. Most of them dated older guys or boys that didn’t attend our school so they weren’t getting ready every day with the intention of finding a boyfriend. They did it for themselves because they placed a lot of pride in their appearance.

At first, I wondered why someone would put so much effort into their outward presentation. Because let’s be honest, it takes a lot of work.  These girls had color-coordinated outfits and hair that was laid to the gods.  On the weekends, while I was fixated in front of the tv, they were probably spending hours at their hair stylist or nail shop.  I woke up in just enough time to get dressed before the bus arrived. They probably planned each look and allowed enough time in the mornings, to apply their signature makeup look.

After observing the life of the woman who invests in herself, I soon came to the realization that they enjoyed a unique life experience as a result of their effort.  I’m not necessarily saying that their lives were perfect. In fact, some of them got caught up with the wrong guy(s) and had their lives change for the worse.  But, I still saw enormous potential from those who applied their feminine energy in a calculated, thoughtful, and purposeful way.

Feminine energy attracts.

Women are attracted to other women who care for themselves. Men are attracted to these types of women as well.  I’ve experienced it first hand when I conducted my “being pretty” experiment.  There, I was granted access to the world of the woman who is fully aligned with her feminity….and it was fantastic!  If you think that putting in extra effort in your appearance is not worthwhile, you’re sadly mistaken.

When most speak on the subject of feminity, it’s often linked to attracting and seducing the man you want. But I think it goes deeper than that.  I believe that a woman who embraces her feminine side puts herself at an advantage.  Various social experiments have already “proven” that attractive people are the recipients of preferential treatment in our society.  Overwhelmingly, people respond positively to good-looking people.  As a result, they often earn more than their less attractive counterparts.  Just look at social media. Highly attractive people often have a slew of followers which means that the influencer is privy to higher paying brand partnerships.  Actors and models are some of the highest earners in our society.  It’s even said that supermodel Gisel earns more than her husband who is one of the most successful quarterbacks in NFL history.

Society is primed to reward and elevate attractive people.  This way of thinking is embedded into almost all of us.  A guy who wrote a book on the economic advantages of being beautiful said that beauty is scarce so most people value their interactions with attractive people. 

As someone who embraces and nurtures your feminity, you’re tapping into the potential benefits that attractiveness brings.  Most of us suppress our feminity because of the attention it brings.  I’m guilty of that.  But, in doing so, are we allowing ourselves to a less than ideal version of our lives?

Beauty bias is real. The best part is that the benefits of being beautiful are accessible to every single one of us. You don’t have to be born with flawless features in order to experience it.  By embracing your feminity, you enhance your personal attractiveness.  People are drawn to others who place importance on their appearance.   If you don’t believe me, try this out for yourself.   Notice how much more attention you receive. There will be more glances from others. People will be friendlier and go out of their way to conversate with you.

Confidence. Confidence. Confidence.
More importantly!  A study found that personal beauty raises happiness.  Not only do attractive people earn more, they also tend to attract higher earning mates.  Women, in particular, seemed happier because they found joy from looking in the mirror.  Think about how many times you look in the mirror a day.  Now that I’m home all day, I’m in the mirror more often. And, when I’m not taking care of myself, I get a little depressed every time I see the condition I’m in.  But, when my skin is right and I’ve done my hair, I get a jolt of feel-good vibes every time I see my reflection.

I have total control over whether I feel amazing or embarrassed every time I look in the mirror. I’m also fully aware that if I look my best and feel good all the time, I ignite the law of attraction. Being more attractive has tangible benefits and if we don’t try to take advantage of this, we’re selling ourselves short.

But if you aren’t used to presenting your best self to the world each day, the attention you’ll receive may be a bit overwhelming.  When I did my attractiveness experiment, I was shocked by how different life was on the other side.  But, soon, I was fully accustomed and began to expect it.  When people stared at me, I no longer felt self-conscious. I have a friend who’s naturally beautiful.  She places a lot of attention on presenting her best self.  When we are out in public, people are constantly staring at her and she barely notices. Why, because this is her reality.  It’s so normal that she doesn’t even realize it’s happening.  Yet, she enjoys luxuries and experiences that most others don’t and I’m certain that her appearance has a lot to do with it.

Ideally, it would be great if we presented our best selves to the world daily so we can take advantage of the compounding effect of being consistent.  All of the individual positive experiences that we receive as the result of the “beauty bias” would multiply.

I’m guilty of backsliding big time when it comes to my outward appearance. But, spring is around the corner and I’m ready to try this again.

 A while back I did this experiment where I got ready every day (head to toe) even though I had no plans to leave the house.  My husband would ask “where are you going?” And I’d answer, ”nowhere.”  After about a week of this, I noticed something interesting.  Suddenly, he started wearing Polo shirts around the house instead of plain white tees.  This isn’t something I asked or suggested he do, it was a result of him being around a woman who was more attractive.  He suddenly felt like he needed to step his game up.  If my experiment impacted a person who I’ve lived with for over a decade, imagine what it does for people you just met.

When the topic of femininity comes up, there are lots of rules spewed out about one should and should not do.  Some of those rules do have merit, but I realize that one size does not fit all.  That’s why I’d like to share multiple examples of the various types of femininity so you can find inspiration that best fits you.  More to come.

How was your weekend?  Did you catch up on some much-needed rest?  Or were you busy taking care of errands that you can’t fit in during the week? Perhaps weekends are a time for socializing and hanging out with friends.

I really want to tell you how I’ve been spending my weekends for the past few months……because it’s changing my life.
It all began back in November.  I wanted to do a little sprucing up around the house before the New Year.  It’s kind of a tradition to get rid of some old stuff here and there but this year, it took on a totally different meaning.

Instead of just throwing out old things I didn’t need, I decided to set a clear intention for my life.

My intention was clear, “to improve my life in one way or another before the new week began.” I took on a compound effect approach to improving my life, one weekend at a time.   EVERY SINGLE WEEKEND I do something that I think will positively impact my situation.

And it’s been working beautifully.

For the first phase of this “life enrichment project,”  I’ve focused mainly on elevating my environment.  I know myself. And I know that I’m heavily influenced by my surroundings.  When my home is cluttered, disorganized, neglected, I’m thrown off my game.   I also know how amazing I feel whenever I walk into a really nice restaurant or hotel.  It’s undeniable.

So, every weekend, I dedicated a little bit of time towards enhancing my home in one way or another.  Some of the changes were small, some much more substantial.  As long as I could say to myself on Monday that I made a positive impact on my environment over the weekend, I was happy.


I began this journey because I needed to take an active role in creating my ideal life. Law of Attraction experts say that attracting what you desire becomes so much easier if you raise your personal vibration by making sure you’re always feeling good.  When my environment is right, I feel absolutely amazing.  I’m not just cleaning my house on the weekends, I’m slowly transforming it into the vision I have for my ideal living space. When I reflect on how much progress I’ve made from when I first started this ritual in late 2017, I’m amazed.

When I held a full-time job, I utilized my weekends to slowly build the business I enjoy today.  I can’t say enough how much you can get accomplished just by dedicating a few hours each weekend towards making your dreams a reality.

Weekends are a powerful opportunity to make great things happen.  Don’t let it slip by.

Since taking on this mission of improving my life in some small way, every weekend, I’ve experienced countless benefits. The first, and most obvious, is that I feel amazing!  And because of this, I have been attracting good things into my life on a consistent basis.  It’s incredible to watch it unfold and I can’t wait to see/experience what lays ahead.

If you want to try this for yourself, you must first answer this important question, what raises your vibrational energy the most?  Do you feel your best when you look your best?  Are you energized by new experiences & environments?  Or are you fueled by sharing amazing experiencing with others?  Maybe you get your joy from self-care rituals like going to the spa.  Put some thought into it, reflect on those the times when you felt absolutely amazing.

Once you’ve clarified what most inspires and elevates you, take on the mantra of making small, incremental upgrades in those areas on a weekly basis.  Infuse that which makes you happy into your life.

The reason why it’s important to make weekly, consistent improvements is that we need to stay consistent. And we want to compound our results.  Doing something once or twice means nothing. But if we keep building on what we’ve done before, we magnify our outcome.

The point is not to allow week after week to pass by without improving anything in our lives.  That’s a huge mistake.  Especially since we have direct control of what we do with our time.  Let’s give a small portion of our weekend towards creation-based activities.

I promise that you won’t regret it.

The article I wrote about friend zoning your suitors received more feedback than I expected.  It seems that some of you are ready to explore the experience of being without a significant other for an extended period of time.

Welcome your new adventure! Being happily single will take your life in an exciting and unexpected direction.   But what should you focus on during this period of “being alone.”
Before I began my journey, I was involved in a 5-year relationship with a man who wanted to spend every second together.  Since I met him right out of high-school, I didn’t get a chance to connect with my identity as an individual.  By the time the relationship ended, I had no idea what to do with myself and how to be alone.  But, for the next several years, I invested a lot of energy into learning about myself and it paid off in a major way.

For 5 years, pretty much all of my spare time was spent with one person.  Once we were no longer a couple, I was suddenly free to use my time as I pleased.  Because we were so intertwined, I made the conscious decision to get comfortable with my own company.  I went to the mall, the park, restaurants, events.  Instead of defaulting to calling my friends for company. I tried to go alone as much as possible.  What I learned from this experience is that you meet more people when you’re flying solo.  This helped to introduce me to a wide cast of characters.  To this day, I’m not shy about striking up conversations with random people. 

One of the most memorable outcomes of my time alone is how much I was able to focus on my finances.  When you’re in your early twenties and going out all the time, you spend money.  But once I was able to have full control of my time and money, I set a new intention for myself.  The money I earned took on a new purpose. At the time, I worked for my dad at his shop.  My pay was based on how much merchandise I sold.    I put all my mental focus on earning and saving as much as I could. Years later, I was involved in a car accident.  Instead of repairing the car,  I donated it to an organization that helped out the less fortunate.  I had enough saved to put a down payment on a brand new car.  The lessons learned from that time financial focus stays with me today.  If you haven’t yet mastered your money, use this time to really get connected to your financial power.

If you’ve ever wanted to start a side hustle, now is the time to do it.  It’s hard to maintain a new relationship while trying to grow a business.  Back in my day, starting a business wasn’t as easy as it is now otherwise, I would have absolutely done it.  Now the doors are wide open.   Even if you aren’t trying to quit your job, it’s still a good idea create a second source of income.  The chances of success are much greater because there are so many examples out there for us to model after.  If you establish something while now you’ve got some free time, you won’t have to worry about it interfering much with your relationship later.

One of the best things you can do when you’re single is to work out regularly. One of the natural side effects of being in a long-term relationship is a little weight gain.  What do you expect from all those dinners and lazy weekends cuddling on the couch?  Getting into a regular workout routine is probably one of the best self-care habits you can implement as a single woman.  Exercising produces feel-good hormones which will help get you through those times when you’re feeling lonely.  Also, toning up will give you an incredible confidence boost.  Now’s the time to strengthen and tone your body.

One area that I didn’t explore during my single life was travel.  If I ever find myself in that position again, I would certainly make travel a part of my journey.  There’s just something about being completely removed from a familiar environment that reveals who you are and what you truly want to experience in life.  Nowadays, you can easily find traveler groups online with people who share similar interests as you.  Even if your friends aren’t into traveling to exotic locations, you can connect with interesting people who can make the journey more enjoyable. I know a few women who are nomads and love to travel alone.  When I traveled for work, I absolutely fell in love with the feeling of freedom and aliveness every time the plane lifted off the ground.  That’s exactly what we need to feel when getting over a difficult relationship.

After high school, most of my friends went away to university. Which meant that I didn’t have many friends in town. This made it easier for me to spend all of my time with him.  Once the relationship was over, I was alone and I only had a couple of true friends.  That’s when I realized how difficult it was to build new friendships with genuine people as an adult.  Eventually, I sought out to build relationships with like-minded women.  I loved having long conversations with powerful women about our goals and dreams.  So many of the outcomes I enjoy today were born out of conversations held with friends.  Nowaday’s it’s super easy to find other women who are in the same place in life as yourself.  Surround yourself with these inspiring women and attack your goals together.

Lastly, I think it’s important to still date casually even if you made the intention not to get into a committed relationship.  Dating casually allowed me the opportunity to become crystal clear about what I wanted in a long-term partner.  With each potential suitor I met, I was able to pick out qualities that I appreciated about the person while identifying the essential traits that were missing. 

I felt like each person I crossed paths with allowed me to gain additional clarity.  By the time I actually allowed myself to open up emotionally to my future husband, I was clear he was the one. 

Those years of being happily single was one of the fondest moments in my life.  I enjoyed every single second of it.  I made use of that special time to focus on myself.  If I had to do it all again, I’d also take that time to work on my manifestation skills.  The Law of Attraction movie hadn’t been released yet, but if I knew about the principles back then, I’d work on mastering my ability to create.  Although I wasn’t aware that “attracting what I wanted” was a thing, I subconsciously was attracting what I wanted each time I identified desirable qualities in the men I interacted with.  I even remember saying to myself that if my husband was “the one,” he I would receive a series of clear, specific signs. When those signs manifested, I was both shocked and grateful. 

The list of things you can do during your singlehood is endless.  Just know that this is an exciting time.  Work on becoming your ideal self.  That’s what it boils down to.  Your investment in yourself will not be in vain.

A couple years back, I tried floatation tanks for the first time.  Before making the decision to take the plunge, I set aside time to check out the potential benefits.  I was most excited about the opportunity to experience complete sensory deprivation.  Because the water temperature is the same as our skin and you’re laying in total darkness, you are free for all external stimulation.

This (hopefully) results in the perfect environment to create the ultimate meditative state.  Which allows us to quiet the mind for creative problem-solving or visualization.  Sensory deprivation is awesome. But last night, I created a different type sensory experience that was far more powerful.
Since it was the last day of 2017, I decided to commemorate the transition into the new year. But, instead of going out, I stayed in an created what I termed as a “sensory enhancement experience.”  Whenever they talk about powerful visualization, they always suggest that we engage all of our senses. We have to feel as if the experience is real by activating feel good feelings.

I have a hard time visualizing in a way that creates meaningful feelings.  It sometimes feels like an exercise rather than an experience.

Last night was different.

Here’s how it went down.

Like the float tank, I felt it was best to create the experience in water to promote total relaxation. I mean, what’s more relaxing than a bath?  Also, by visualizing in the tub, I’m likely to extend the duration of the experience rather than sitting down for 15 minutes trying to meditate.

As the bath water ran, I decided to include various elements to further heighten the senses.  First I turned off the lights and lit a candle, but not just any candle.  I have a collection of pleasant-smelling candles, but only a few of them actually makes me feel good every time I inhale the scent.  If you try to recreate this mood, go for a candle that truly energizes you.  Another thing I did was to spray the shower walls with a diluted mixture of essential oils to further enhance the experience.

Next, I turned my focus towards creating the right auditory environment.  For this experience, I chose to play a collection of music that have the ability to stir up positive feelings from deep within.  We all have those songs that truly ignite sensations of joy and elation.  If you don’t have a playlist that creates that type of emotion, you may want to create one just for this.   The music was critical for me to fully immerse myself in the experience.  Don’t skip this step.

Adding a glass of wine doesn’t hurt.

Once the scene was set, I was able to fully relax and quickly begin to enjoy the process.  It felt unlike any other meditation I’ve ever experienced.  The images formulated in my mind quickly and easily.  They were greatly enhanced thanks to the stimulation of all the senses.  By the time the experience was completed, I was fully energized and ready to manifest all the visions I saw while in the bath.

I made a promise to myself that this would become a 2018 ritual.

This visualization process far exceeds the traditional methods without the added sensory experience.  There is no comparison. I know that traditional meditation promotes the removal of distractions that stimulate the senses, but this technique works well for visualizing desired outcomes in a powerful way that promotes intense feelings of having already experienced what you want.

Beyond the meditative benefits, I want my manifestation bath to produce wonderful beauty benefits as well.  The plan is to incorporate various beauty boosters that I can add to the bath to produce glowing/amazing skin.  Will discuss what I find in an upcoming article.

Try this experience for yourself and be amazed.