The article I wrote about friend zoning your suitors received more feedback than I expected. It seems that some of you are ready to explore the experience of being without a significant other for an extended period of time.
Welcome your new adventure! Being happily single will take your life in an exciting and unexpected direction. But what should you focus on during this period of “being alone.”
Before I began my journey, I was involved in a 5-year relationship with a man who wanted to spend every second together. Since I met him right out of high-school, I didn’t get a chance to connect with my identity as an individual. By the time the relationship ended, I had no idea what to do with myself and how to be alone. But, for the next several years, I invested a lot of energy into learning about myself and it paid off in a major way.
FIND COMFORT IN BEING SINGLE
For 5 years, pretty much all of my spare time was spent with one person. Once we were no longer a couple, I was suddenly free to use my time as I pleased. Because we were so intertwined, I made the conscious decision to get comfortable with my own company. I went to the mall, the park, restaurants, events. Instead of defaulting to calling my friends for company. I tried to go alone as much as possible. What I learned from this experience is that you meet more people when you’re flying solo. This helped to introduce me to a wide cast of characters. To this day, I’m not shy about striking up conversations with random people.
GET YOUR MONEY RIGHT
One of the most memorable outcomes of my time alone is how much I was able to focus on my finances. When you’re in your early twenties and going out all the time, you spend money. But once I was able to have full control of my time and money, I set a new intention for myself. The money I earned took on a new purpose. At the time, I worked for my dad at his shop. My pay was based on how much merchandise I sold. I put all my mental focus on earning and saving as much as I could. Years later, I was involved in a car accident. Instead of repairing the car, I donated it to an organization that helped out the less fortunate. I had enough saved to put a down payment on a brand new car. The lessons learned from that time financial focus stays with me today. If you haven’t yet mastered your money, use this time to really get connected to your financial power.
If you’ve ever wanted to start a side hustle, now is the time to do it. It’s hard to maintain a new relationship while trying to grow a business. Back in my day, starting a business wasn’t as easy as it is now otherwise, I would have absolutely done it. Now the doors are wide open. Even if you aren’t trying to quit your job, it’s still a good idea create a second source of income. The chances of success are much greater because there are so many examples out there for us to model after. If you establish something while now you’ve got some free time, you won’t have to worry about it interfering much with your relationship later.
CREATE YOUR IDEAL BODY
One of the best things you can do when you’re single is to work out regularly. One of the natural side effects of being in a long-term relationship is a little weight gain. What do you expect from all those dinners and lazy weekends cuddling on the couch? Getting into a regular workout routine is probably one of the best self-care habits you can implement as a single woman. Exercising produces feel-good hormones which will help get you through those times when you’re feeling lonely. Also, toning up will give you an incredible confidence boost. Now’s the time to strengthen and tone your body.
One area that I didn’t explore during my single life was travel. If I ever find myself in that position again, I would certainly make travel a part of my journey. There’s just something about being completely removed from a familiar environment that reveals who you are and what you truly want to experience in life. Nowadays, you can easily find traveler groups online with people who share similar interests as you. Even if your friends aren’t into traveling to exotic locations, you can connect with interesting people who can make the journey more enjoyable. I know a few women who are nomads and love to travel alone. When I traveled for work, I absolutely fell in love with the feeling of freedom and aliveness every time the plane lifted off the ground. That’s exactly what we need to feel when getting over a difficult relationship.
BUILD A NETWORK OF FRIENDS
After high school, most of my friends went away to university. Which meant that I didn’t have many friends in town. This made it easier for me to spend all of my time with him. Once the relationship was over, I was alone and I only had a couple of true friends. That’s when I realized how difficult it was to build new friendships with genuine people as an adult. Eventually, I sought out to build relationships with like-minded women. I loved having long conversations with powerful women about our goals and dreams. So many of the outcomes I enjoy today were born out of conversations held with friends. Nowaday’s it’s super easy to find other women who are in the same place in life as yourself. Surround yourself with these inspiring women and attack your goals together.
DATE & ATTRACT
Lastly, I think it’s important to still date casually even if you made the intention not to get into a committed relationship. Dating casually allowed me the opportunity to become crystal clear about what I wanted in a long-term partner. With each potential suitor I met, I was able to pick out qualities that I appreciated about the person while identifying the essential traits that were missing.
I felt like each person I crossed paths with allowed me to gain additional clarity. By the time I actually allowed myself to open up emotionally to my future husband, I was clear he was the one.
Those years of being happily single was one of the fondest moments in my life. I enjoyed every single second of it. I made use of that special time to focus on myself. If I had to do it all again, I’d also take that time to work on my manifestation skills. The Law of Attraction movie hadn’t been released yet, but if I knew about the principles back then, I’d work on mastering my ability to create. Although I wasn’t aware that “attracting what I wanted” was a thing, I subconsciously was attracting what I wanted each time I identified desirable qualities in the men I interacted with. I even remember saying to myself that if my husband was “the one,” he I would receive a series of clear, specific signs. When those signs manifested, I was both shocked and grateful.
The list of things you can do during your singlehood is endless. Just know that this is an exciting time. Work on becoming your ideal self. That’s what it boils down to. Your investment in yourself will not be in vain.